The Downfall of the Bretheren

First things first, I had the privilege of meeting my mom's old youth minister from when she was in junior high, this weekend. And he is awesome and very, very wise (My mom must have learned a lot from him, because she is also both of those things.), but he kept referring to the Church as "The Bretheren," and it - for whatever reason - stuck with me. It is my new favorite saying. Hence, the title.


On a serious note, I have been dealing with an issue lately that I think would make a great topic for this week. It has been weighing heavily on my mind, and if I'm being completely honest, I feel that it is almost a taboo topic within the church; no one ever talks about it..... that is, conflict within the church itself. 


Sigh....

I am currently in the midst of a feud (?) between two different groups of church members. I put a question mark, because I am not actually sure if feud is the best word to describe this conflict. However, it's the best word I could think of, so.... If you know me at all, you may know that conflict is the bane of my existence. I know you're thinking, "Ummm... who likes conflict?!" And, true. But for me, it is worse than anything. I do not do well with it and honestly, I don't handle it well, either! So, imagine how I feel in this particular instance. Conflict within the CHURCH?? It's giving me major anxiety. 

One would think that church would be the one place where conflict was kept to a minimum, but I have found the case to be quite the contrary. I have seen more conflict in churches than I have almost anywhere else. I believe part of the reason for this is because members of the church have a hard time deciphering if speaking up (communicating their concerns to the other party) would be considered beneficial or "going rogue." Many people do not want to "make waves" ( <---ha....pun...) or be seen as disrespectful. I get that! Still, if no one makes a sound, how will the conflict be solved? I know from personal experience, ignoring a problem will not make it go away. Running from a conflict does not work; that is my first instinct every time I am in a personal conflict and never has it ever worked out for me. *Note to self: quit doing that. 


So how do we deal with conflict between church members?


First of all, we must realize some of the most common catalysts for conflict within the church. Things like:

- Disagreement with leaders of the church/ the way(s) in which they are leading
- An offense that has yet to be forgiven
- Blatant sinning among believers

There are countless reasons why quarrels start, but those are just a few I have seen personally. And although there may be tons of reasons a conflict breaks out, there is just one reason why it perpetuates:

PRIDE.

There is a reason why C.S. Lewis referred to pride as "the great sin." Pride affects everyone; Christians are not exempt. I am not exempt. I will do a whole schpeel on pride sometime; it is totally worth at least a post. I do believe it is the downfall of Christianity, and the reason we often cannot get past an internal conflict. Knowing this, the root of our conflict, can help resolve and maybe even dissolve this problem.

The next thing we need to do in order to alleviate this problem is realize the effects it is having on us. Most times when a conflict arises in the church, it leads to a common result:

GOSSIP.

You cannot have one without the other. It's just like smoke and fire: where there is a conflict, there will be gossip. There will be people talking about it, dwelling on it, feeding off of it. Conflict is not only in itself detrimental to the church, it also causes more sins within the church family - a family (let me just reiterate) thats sole purpose is to love and build each other up in Christ! Yeesh! 

Knowing both the cause and effects of conflict in the church and how realistically terrible of a problem it is to us, let's focus on some steps to take to help resolve this issue.

Like I stated before, I think it is imperative for us Christians to actively seek resolution. This issue will feed off of itself and never resolve if we stand idle. First, I believe that we need to evaluate ourselves, our hearts, and what part we each individually play in the conflict. It goes back to the pride thing. We each need to realize what we are doing wrong, rather than "calling out" the other party for their wrongdoings. I believe that the crucial first step to conflict resolution is to work on ourselves and realize what we can change about ourselves to make this situation better, rather than only realizing what the other party has done to hurt us. In doing so, we can work on developing a Christlike attitude - faithful, forgiving, loving, kind, the list goes on. Not only are we getting back to the real goal of Christians, we also may just become so engulfed in becoming more like Christ that we inadvertently distract ourselves from the (trivial) issue at hand. Ta-da! Everything really does work out when we wholeheartedly seek the Kingdom of God. 

If everyone is seeking to resolve their own faults, the conflict should resolve, but it does take two to tango and two to resolve a conflict. If one party is still noticing the other party's eye plank (so to speak) a little too vividly, the conflict may still linger. While we can't force the other party to obtain the right mindset, if we personally have realized our own faults, tried to be forgiving and kind, and the conflict is still there, it is now time to verbally communicate. I actually hate this, which explains so much about why my conflicts never really resolve... I just run from them....but this really is a mandatory step in a tough conflict. It is best to go to the other party (lovingly, not angrily) and voice your concern, your hurt, and just move past it, already! Plus, the added benefit of communicating with the other party is that the gossip "middle man" is alleviated. By hashing it out with the other party instead of going to friends or anyone else that is not the direct party, people who don't need to know about the quarrel won't, and the gossip fire will die down. Always remember, though, your concerns should be brought of in the same loving manner that Christ represents. Now is no time to be stubborn - no time to "win" the argument. You want to resolve the matter and remind each other that in the end, you are both working toward the same goal. Fighting with your own teammate never helps win the game.

Lastly, always pray. God can help us through any issue. It's no lie that we can go to Him with anything, even things we are ashamed of. I know I do not like to admit to fighting with my own teammates. The truth is, though, it happens. And when it does, God is here to help us through it. He wants the best for us, and He always listens when we call. He is always, always here to help us and to bring us all peace, because He is good!


Conflict within the church is a hard thing to deal with. It feels like an act of betrayal, when you are at odds with a person (or more than one person) in your Christian family. And honestly, it tarnishes the reputation of Christians altogether. It really is a nasty problem. If we humble ourselves, really (and I mean really) focus on love, and remember we are all teammates, we can resolve this issue and move mountains with our joined forces. 


Peace and Blessins,
becca